Interferers come in all shapes and sizes. The packaging may be different but they all possess the same trait i.e. poking nose in other’s affairs. They can be some relatives with microscopic eyes, co-workers keeping themselves up-to-date for every move you make, in-laws with ultrasound machines fit in their eye sockets, neighbours always sticking to their windows and terraces, class fellows measuring every step you make (and in which direction, of course), friends with claiming every moment of your life as their own (No offence but IN SOME MATTERS, I REALLY DON’T NEED AN EXPERT OPINION) and the most deadly of all, housekeepers or maids (You can take notes on your life from them). So if you are a victim of such a parasite, this article is all you need to tackle those die-hard nosy people who are ALWAYS unwelcomed yet ALWAYS there. Only if you know, dealing with them is actually fun. *wink wink*
To begin with, PLAN your life. Organize your priority list and it goes without saying that the nosy ones can’t make an entry there. This prioritized edition of your life will help you stand for what you feel like. Rock the boat now and then and filter out the unwanted faces from your life. This screening is the foundation on which a life free of useless people is based.
First of all, stop providing information. I mean, REALLY stop it. The nosy troop feeds on the information you provide and then use it according to their satisfaction. Give to-the-point answers and use I HAVE NO IDEA, LET’S SEE and MAY BE as often as you can. Ambiguous, uncertain and doubtful answers are a key to success (In combating nosiness, ONLY). Don’t give them any indigestible detail that they end up vomiting in front of others with a little change here and a little change there. If they have any social sense, they would get the signal and stay away. Although that’s not possible in most case because they are nosy after all, but this step can provide you a base to build your anti-nosy shield.
Create scenarios that stir their sense of prying but don’t show your cards. See the pain of failure on their face and enjoy. You have no idea how entertaining it can be to see the desperate flies gathering around but unable to reach the jar of honey. Attract them but don’t let them be a part of it. They deserve a little punishment after all, don’t they?
Excuses are handy. Make as many as you like and whenever you feel like. Let them dig for the original idea that you have in your mind. They can never reach that unless you give them access. And that’s something you will never do. So here you are, enjoying something awesome in your life while someone out there is solving puzzles to get the idea. AHHH…. ECSTASY!
Distract them. I mean, SERIOUSLY. That can be anything, anything that’s not related to you. Everyone has some weak points. Grab them. Use them. Play with them. Not clear? Ok! I can give you a real life example. Whenever my maid starts her conversation with her familiar narrowing eyes expression and BAJIII!…. I do not wait for her to complete; quickly point towards the TV and OH MY GOD! WHAT’S THIS? DID YOU SEE THAT? And the game’s done and won in a single move. YIPPPYYYY!!!
A little hide and seek can do wonders sometimes. You must have an idea of the intruder’s routine; avoid being a part of it. Change your way of doing things. Minimize the possibility of coming across them and touching their information gathering sensors. And if you ever get caught, OH I DIDN’T SEE YOU COMING. I WAS JUST SO BUSY WITH…. MY HAIR will work for you. Sounds absurd? Let it be. You really need them to know that whatever the silly thing you are doing; it’s hell better than being with a life-crasher, of course. And wait wait wait. Don’t just stand there and wait for their response on your so-obvious-version-of-saying-get-lost type of statement. Leave that very part of the planet as quickly as humanly possible. Leave the riddling mind behind. HA HA!
Ignore, ignore and ignore. It is a life-saver. Pay no attention to their being around you. Just carry on with your routine and make them feel that they don’t exist at all. Believe me, there is nothing more unwelcoming than taking no notice of someone’s jokes, talk, movements, even their life. Let them just buzz here and there, hitting their noses wherever they feel like. Pretend that your eyes have been deprived of the ability to see that very person; your ears can’t work at their voice frequency; your mind doesn’t accept their being on planet Earth. Negate their whole existence. And yes, I really mean that.
If confrontation relieves you, go for it. Face the sticky-beaks and say your heart out. IT’S MY LIFE AND I CAN DEAL WITH IT. DON’T BOTHER YOURSELF. PERIOD. This can give you a variety of reactions. Some of them will understand and bugger off while some dedicated ones will start working under-cover. But whatever they do, the road to confrontation is now open for you. Blow their heads off whenever they go a little out of limits. A little trimming and tuning will give good results.
Like reel life, real life also has a lead, some supporting characters and some extras. Don’t get crushed by the extras. You are the lead. Take control. And remember: The extras will be the extras because you are the boss of your life, after all. Only you know where to take a stand and when to let go. Keep the authority in your hands and never compromise on your personal space. Keep a body language that says, NOSY PEOPLE WILL BE PROSECUTED.
Always keep in mind: No one can upset you unless you provide them a way to do that. So go ahead. Hold the flags. Take a pity on the sick-heads. And say, CHEEEEZ! Yeah, just like that. You are adorable, you know. Stay blessed!
About author: The writer is an MPhil in English Literature and can be reached at: [email protected]
